tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-44775609685567960442024-03-18T20:56:41.154-07:00MilepostsConsider this blog like it's your favorite kitchen - a place to gather together across generations and share new thoughts, old lessons, and ask questions of the heart and soul.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-77181566906130973222017-04-12T09:31:00.000-07:002017-04-12T09:31:08.985-07:00Inertia: Motivation to do NothingAt our bi-annual dinner, a friend of mine and I were discussing how drawn we are to talk about change, and the difficulty of making it happen. It's so easy to just keep doing what we do: even if we don't really like it. Change usually has no guarantee of success or happiness - only of being different. It can seem risky and scary. <br />
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One of the CEOs of a company I previously worked for prohibited the company from having <i>change</i> initiatives. We could propose improvements, betterments, growth...but not change. I get it. Change is an investment, and he wanted a guarantee.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyFfmmWyGv_jIc4JdYL-9Z-JpuTP-tw-EhfE8iAHPexDJrm3f2My-da0yjrF7OgOppHRPp-kMtgzLwnamKsdojnqq5QwZjzUeLjTBkPmbW8Oq_d_HpsIbE76fWftUQV7oto9MkqxPGL_k/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-03-18+at+10.01.18+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyFfmmWyGv_jIc4JdYL-9Z-JpuTP-tw-EhfE8iAHPexDJrm3f2My-da0yjrF7OgOppHRPp-kMtgzLwnamKsdojnqq5QwZjzUeLjTBkPmbW8Oq_d_HpsIbE76fWftUQV7oto9MkqxPGL_k/s200/Screen+Shot+2017-03-18+at+10.01.18+PM.png" width="200" /></a>Me too! <br />
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I attended a discussion group today and we talked about nihilism: the idea that the world has no purpose, that life is futile. I know, it sounds bleak. It's a common thought that occurs to those who seek. Fortunately, most come around again to the realization that what they felt was probably a bit of detachment that happens as you get a glimpse of what you thought life was, but isn't, and before you get a hold of what it is.<br />
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That detachment, though, isn't as desolate as it sounds if it's paired with benevolence. I think of it the same way that I can care very deeply when I learn of a starving child in some far off place. I don't know the child, yet I can be pulled to act, to try to resolve the problem, or at least do something to improve it. Yet, if I wasn't detached in some way, how could I sleep at night knowing a child is starving? Benevolent detachment allows me to make plans, to strategize, to design the change that could impact that child and others. However, detachment without the benevolence just lets me roll on my merry, self-centered way, tucking that picture or thought away never to be revisited.<br />
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What I've come to see is that when applied to life that is closer, this works, too. Work, family, relationships, financial worries, grief and loss and disappointment infiltrate life, and our circumstances will still bring tears and sadness and worry. But that bit of benevolent detachment lets me once again find the seed of joy that is still there between the falling tears, in the pause at the top of the next breath, or in the distracted thought that was not of the major event befalling me then.<br />
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I watched the moving<i> Loving.</i> It's about an interracial couple, the Lovings, who in the 1950s were both arrested for going against the anti-interracial marriage laws of the state of Virginia. And I thought about inertia. How easy if the Lovings had decided to just hide in rural Virginia and try to stay out of notice. I found relief in the ruling, in their favor, that allowed their children to be recognized as heirs, and allowed them the simple rights afforded to others who simply love and hurt no one in doing so. I was reminded again why I don't want inertia to be the motivating force of my life. Status quo begs to be upended. <br />
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What isn't being noticed, what is going undone? <br />
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I've been on a purposeful (yeah, slow!) path to change for about a year. I hired a coach, I started this blog. I started meditating and stuck to it. I filed a patent. I ended a relationship. I am finishing up a class. I cut my hair. And I proposed a change in my role at work. I don't yet know how this will turn out. Moving is probably in my path, too. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCJfQmF9lloMiTOppL6U8gY6kyqQJEGgWZep1CzDmHE0xUW2dpI2mHL8Nn9OPuFV4aqv9X4N9KF7HZJhzPO7CcTrYpeIGVTV1A-x-70Ax-plRR3wMzvLXtCa_5Lul1826ivynzdIUb9yg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2017-03-18+at+10.20.20+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCJfQmF9lloMiTOppL6U8gY6kyqQJEGgWZep1CzDmHE0xUW2dpI2mHL8Nn9OPuFV4aqv9X4N9KF7HZJhzPO7CcTrYpeIGVTV1A-x-70Ax-plRR3wMzvLXtCa_5Lul1826ivynzdIUb9yg/s320/Screen+Shot+2017-03-18+at+10.20.20+PM.png" width="320" /></a><br />
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The external is never permanent, and yet I have spent so much of my life clinging to sand, thinking I could hold it still. Another movie to watch sometime:<i> Grand Canyon</i>. The characters contemplate the vastness of the earth and wonder: why don't we take more chances -- we are just a speck of nothing, what would it matter?!<br />
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My Self -- that same essence I have always been, has never left me. All the things that come and go are not the source of my joy. Happiness can come, fleeting in and out, from the outside. If it comes, it will also go. But joy - the knowing - the connection to that glue that joins all life - that is love and that is here with me and all I need do is be aware of it. Ah, there you are! Here I am.<br />
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I started this blog because I knew that writing was something I wanted to do, and my coach said, "then write!" I'm going to shift my writing and this is my last blog on the Mileposts heading. Thanks for keeping me company. I hope that you are finding companions, too, on your journey towards your fullest experience of peace, love, and joy. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-23160157533196102052016-11-24T10:28:00.001-08:002016-11-24T10:32:47.273-08:00The ShortcutNo time to read, have you? Do you save it for bedtime, and are asleep after 2 pages (if you're lucky)?<br />
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What about a video blog? Yeah, I hate waiting for them to load, too. And I can't skim as easily, or flip around to the good parts. <br />
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I appreciate the time you take to read my blog - it's an investment in me, and I appreciate you for it. I hope you've gotten something from it too - at least here and there.<br />
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Today, I offer my shortcut to reading: pictures. For this post only, I'm gamefying my blog! (That's a word!)<br />
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See if you can catch my drift, get my message, solve the puzzle:<br />
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Happy Thanksgiving. </div>
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Next month, back to words!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-21698064456228266622016-10-16T12:06:00.000-07:002016-10-16T12:06:03.212-07:00Living Intentionally or Whack-a-Mole?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Has it ever seemed that, coincidentally, something that was on your mind seemed noticeably on the minds of others? When you first thought about yoga, or volunteering to give back, or specific ideas about relationships, or avoiding sugar: why were others headed down the same path?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaT8o1sFwlNUbH9Okiy1fNbBqlwX0GNnVf6LKVstqyaWkfz7F6IoTy-2Gzh0QNPV1IJS9x-ZS-7Ujohfifa28gXnrPvIpymuKiGkSuP6eZltHmMsfdmsgIt2xO6KsY_GUE9pMMXKKsImY/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.26.54+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaT8o1sFwlNUbH9Okiy1fNbBqlwX0GNnVf6LKVstqyaWkfz7F6IoTy-2Gzh0QNPV1IJS9x-ZS-7Ujohfifa28gXnrPvIpymuKiGkSuP6eZltHmMsfdmsgIt2xO6KsY_GUE9pMMXKKsImY/s200/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.26.54+AM.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm no conspiracy theorist and I don't suffer from paranoid personality disorder, assuming there is such a thing. I'm just noticing, again, that we might be sheep in people's clothing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some of what I notice seems to be developmental. People of a certain age, which psychologist Erik Ericsson kindly referred to as a 25-year span he called <i>middle adulthood, </i> will be thinking about what kind of mark they will leave: their legacy. It's as if our consciousness knows that the body has a limited shelf-life, and is preparing us for its conclusion, even if the nudges are subtle or subliminal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQMar_rI3msdXgBLs2zS07vWvfiNEsWOHQ8flu5IsJoA9JRdTXpZU95-hYvxtJKtJUATCaN2yQRW8Ts590iYHt8VwRpxxdpfYF815F_p4lz0a6XC0wCErmYYaxuGPx4OFI4eQUoCTTF2M/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.30.00+AM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQMar_rI3msdXgBLs2zS07vWvfiNEsWOHQ8flu5IsJoA9JRdTXpZU95-hYvxtJKtJUATCaN2yQRW8Ts590iYHt8VwRpxxdpfYF815F_p4lz0a6XC0wCErmYYaxuGPx4OFI4eQUoCTTF2M/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.30.00+AM.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv6gF-UWrTxWZ8Z0PtoL0YN3ZwCJp7si6T16gaPVtI5Tq56caqxCNK-34V2Z12wAh75_3ZmSe_rXYo_GWEKS5Mer4dN2a72V6xwVBCf-A9RnoetbUJnojcG_4RAP-rt06OR3IZ47ZxXt0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.33.57+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv6gF-UWrTxWZ8Z0PtoL0YN3ZwCJp7si6T16gaPVtI5Tq56caqxCNK-34V2Z12wAh75_3ZmSe_rXYo_GWEKS5Mer4dN2a72V6xwVBCf-A9RnoetbUJnojcG_4RAP-rt06OR3IZ47ZxXt0/s400/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.33.57+AM.png" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My friends and family who are grandparents and parents are preparing the next generation as best we know how. Those who are not parents are reaching out to be Big Brothers or Sisters, or mentors, or some other role in which they can offer the wisdom and caring that somewhat demands to be launched, not unlike the cork on a champagne bottle. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Maybe, then, it's partly biological and evolutionary. And maybe, then, that's also why people in the 20's and 30's might be laser-focused on relationships, pro-creating, survival of the species, etc.: activities that dominate their line of sight for quite some time. Focused not because of media or social input, but because it is primal.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is, however, a whole other aspect to what we think we choose to pay attention to that suggests that </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">we may not be </i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">doing that much choosing. The same way that we may go online to research an unknown word or fact, and find ourselves watching videos of cats ambushing toddlers or ducks befriending dogs. There are a lot of sound-bites headed our way every minute. And sometimes, the listening is not of our conscious choosing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Like the arcade game "Whack-a-Mole" do we just whack at whatever pops up?</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqXd2BE8K1OUAkzdRdPjR9qG4F_lMqvKd6nLazKPh-ndxb0hWqn-QdjA1HkbpAAXVTBeeuA-BiSXsUsKrB1zfJQrP-er3kIYyma2XBViyOuUOikyVKTwZ8Gqk3khiLzNLJrvXQ810chM8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.38.42+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqXd2BE8K1OUAkzdRdPjR9qG4F_lMqvKd6nLazKPh-ndxb0hWqn-QdjA1HkbpAAXVTBeeuA-BiSXsUsKrB1zfJQrP-er3kIYyma2XBViyOuUOikyVKTwZ8Gqk3khiLzNLJrvXQ810chM8/s400/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.38.42+AM.png" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Most of us have news channels that we follow, and some of us may feel that those sources are pretty unbiased, or as close to unbiased as is out there. For me, I had accepted that bias, feeling that it was at least biased on the direction in which I wanted to lean: rationalization at its best. Do I listen to learn, or to simply reinforce my position? Am I learning only what the media presents to me?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNbEbCGEstnXlQi0OF4MFQPzbWjtDWeqSiS_fQQwDSGUOu4olhoBwWqmU1hbIeKd2v2zSvsnO_yf5CToXNTXLwKeb51qSk9DGPQPQup3wUU4sd3tHKlASe00FRhzDkDMULE2xTx2uLcCs/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.45.30+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNbEbCGEstnXlQi0OF4MFQPzbWjtDWeqSiS_fQQwDSGUOu4olhoBwWqmU1hbIeKd2v2zSvsnO_yf5CToXNTXLwKeb51qSk9DGPQPQup3wUU4sd3tHKlASe00FRhzDkDMULE2xTx2uLcCs/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.45.30+AM.png" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are alternative news outlets that focus on good news, a not-so-trending concept. The <i>Goodnewsnetwork.org, Gimundo.com, HuffingtonPost.com/dept/whats-working</i> are a few. Even if these will leave us short-changed to participate in the office water-cooler discussion, adding them to our dose of input might at least put some optimism back in our hearts. And really, what difference are we making by getting all riled up at the standard daily news noise?</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK6GuFeOHlM6Sca0h-bkgzfZex5eZd_kSgvbHPriHl0ru5tnCwN63uGq1R3stKoIdUX0-6MQWZxmTNzNMBFVqCb-zrSNhoanKhIdVFAsulyc4kF0TawSgVgB6ILfH39J3IfvAhSayWZqs/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.54.34+AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK6GuFeOHlM6Sca0h-bkgzfZex5eZd_kSgvbHPriHl0ru5tnCwN63uGq1R3stKoIdUX0-6MQWZxmTNzNMBFVqCb-zrSNhoanKhIdVFAsulyc4kF0TawSgVgB6ILfH39J3IfvAhSayWZqs/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-10-16+at+11.54.34+AM.png" width="223" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I pulled on this topic thread when I noticed that I was drawn to the concept of non-duality, and started to feel a bit like I was following well-placed bread crumbs. I decided to put down my reading material, stop my obsession with new authors on the topic, and turn off the stream of others' ideas and tune into what I believe is my own (all of our own) ability to know what's true by spending more time being aware, and less time thinking. My mind has been in charge of me for a long time. I'd like to bring it forth when I need it, and not have it using me for its whims and distractible inclinations. This is one of the benefits of meditation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I pulled the thread further (almost able to knit a sweater, here!) when I heard a few of my friends talking about the same topic: scaling back on the accumulation of stuff and simplifying their material worlds in favor of experiences. I again thought, is this a coincidence of time-in-life, or is something afoot that is planting seeds? And this something that may be afoot may very well be a positive something. If we are all tied together, perhaps one string is plucked and we all reverberate. My intention is to make time every day to block out the input and check-in with my Self and acknowledge the Awareness that I am, and also noticing my time spent on <i>things </i>versus my time spent mindfully. Baby steps towards intentionally living: towards Being. </span><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-79498766806432166682016-08-23T15:37:00.001-07:002016-08-23T15:37:55.132-07:00Do you think you know me?<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"I just have to get used to the new you." Funny, I don't feel like a new me. The comment from my daughter took me aback for a moment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8eKkhavq3mReuNea5eS1zGV6p5kSlhzBzgU6sLKJDtfh-UcXebYX0LJDD9J58nS8Fqqn2XLjKP0BqcNYHNgUjG7H5ROHlGL9D7sIuetBkny_n9GJ8MrjpSpbhyphenhyphengq0Izd1z-addr52ovA/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+2.58.06+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="169" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8eKkhavq3mReuNea5eS1zGV6p5kSlhzBzgU6sLKJDtfh-UcXebYX0LJDD9J58nS8Fqqn2XLjKP0BqcNYHNgUjG7H5ROHlGL9D7sIuetBkny_n9GJ8MrjpSpbhyphenhyphengq0Izd1z-addr52ovA/s200/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+2.58.06+PM.png" width="200" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But I know what she means. Unlike my mother, who took on the role of <i>mother</i> as if it had no beginning and no end, I anticipated my kids' entrance into adulthood as if I expected to hear a "ta da." There, finally, you made it. My job is done. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4854X-oIjhE8kJG36ztXHruaVMUyZxvoveFuA8p_2GPpEiN_665o-yM_VoezXSfN7U1IU_1hSmKAf3cJyVToyeh91Xi5Uwc5PYOb12zPB7bnwv1cGVpM4tSzK28OpRH6ztNgdqcswdl8/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.09.50+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4854X-oIjhE8kJG36ztXHruaVMUyZxvoveFuA8p_2GPpEiN_665o-yM_VoezXSfN7U1IU_1hSmKAf3cJyVToyeh91Xi5Uwc5PYOb12zPB7bnwv1cGVpM4tSzK28OpRH6ztNgdqcswdl8/s200/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.09.50+PM.png" width="186" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Myers-Briggs is a well known personalty type test. This is what it says about my type as a parent:</span><br />
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<span style="color: #4c4c4c; font-size: x-small; letter-spacing: 0.05em; text-align: justify; text-transform: uppercase;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As parents INFJs, much as in their friendships, will tend to look at their relationships with their children as opportunities to learn and grow with someone they care about, while working to achieve a distinctly separate but important goal – raising someone to be an independent, responsible and principled adult. People with the INFJ personality type are unflinching in their devotion to their children, willing to grin and bear any burden without hesitation. While warm and compassionate throughout the parenting relationship, what INFJs are really looking forward to is being able to communicate and relate to the person they helped to raise, as equals.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Wait, not so fast. Aren't you a mother forever? </i>Well, yes, but...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wonder if every kid gets a wake-up call. Mine came when I not-too-hesitantly asked my dad to borrow money to replace my bald tires. Surely he didn't want his precious daughter driving around in an unsafe car? He lent me the money, but not before alerting me with this: "I thought when my kids were on their own, they'd be on their own." Okay, that was a one-two punch I wasn't expecting. And it accomplished what he meant it to - I thought about my adult hood very differently after that. It was up to me to live it and afford it. I still felt my parents were my safety net - they wouldn't let me be homeless if that situation ever arose, I knew that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I drew a timeline of "me" as one might have experienced me through my years, it would look something like this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">From happy-go-lucky, to introspective, to independent, to being a loving wife & partner, to being a loving mom, to awakening to awareness and consciousness - now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> <u>A timeline from psychology's perspective:</u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlldH0L21tkNDYrBpV7T5pp_gl9UQ_5XGAuNojkyokv_8q4jHKC0bTR01d2rD6H7AR3kOd3uffTijKxUd6uK90TBUcvI2Zd9LrzJnUXGp5x-qyEUhrxyhnKT9gKfcwYJmMnBRCdoR3uU0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.12.10+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="158" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlldH0L21tkNDYrBpV7T5pp_gl9UQ_5XGAuNojkyokv_8q4jHKC0bTR01d2rD6H7AR3kOd3uffTijKxUd6uK90TBUcvI2Zd9LrzJnUXGp5x-qyEUhrxyhnKT9gKfcwYJmMnBRCdoR3uU0/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.12.10+PM.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I imagine that my parents and siblings might have enjoyed me had I stayed happy go lucky. I imagine my ex-husband would have enjoyed me had I stayed a loving wife and partner. I imagine my kids hope I will remain a loving mom. I plan to. A life-coach once told me that when one is moving forward with change, family is often the last to support the evolution. Family defines you as you were, and accepting your growth or change has implications for them. I agree that it can be difficult, and distance can grow where there once was closeness. It takes work to stay mutually connected, known, understood, accepted, and loved.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1NO8ZDji03iNTPY4paObbaxP4HNgUvTz2jmQN6mDQXHes09SlwRSIaiQQdExXfM-cnjR_Xi7sOIK-bj4_8y6I8yJ-1U0BaqLdppqlKQix3UuzRIPcMcFNueLbHxV7cTi62NvXZOYEoTg/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.19.18+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1NO8ZDji03iNTPY4paObbaxP4HNgUvTz2jmQN6mDQXHes09SlwRSIaiQQdExXfM-cnjR_Xi7sOIK-bj4_8y6I8yJ-1U0BaqLdppqlKQix3UuzRIPcMcFNueLbHxV7cTi62NvXZOYEoTg/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.19.18+PM.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Some of those roles I describe above on my timeline, I lived as if mutually exclusive. I didn't always express what I wanted, giving in, instead, to my awareness that the circumstance was temporary; I could acquiesce for a bit longer, but not forever. Yet no one around me knew I was acquiescing: how could they?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBuvwi3Nvjb7wA3beYl-NUzfD9EtWfxU171vNVNCprkf0y_MEDWUZ9nGsCJL-nS4M2Tviga1pJ3oJvCPEhF89nszdSHmWJRX1RBn65S6NhMkD35BlCykyBKZrnswReglhNePmA3M80X8E/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.16.39+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBuvwi3Nvjb7wA3beYl-NUzfD9EtWfxU171vNVNCprkf0y_MEDWUZ9nGsCJL-nS4M2Tviga1pJ3oJvCPEhF89nszdSHmWJRX1RBn65S6NhMkD35BlCykyBKZrnswReglhNePmA3M80X8E/s400/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.16.39+PM.png" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Myers-Brings type I mention above: some call this type "the Advocate" and some call it "the Counsellor." Both fit. This personality type takes time to get to know others, we question, we are good listeners, we have very good intuition. I, and my type like to help others grow, get to know themselves, and learn and evolve. What many don't know, though, is that we'd like a turn, too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuIEmCtlQpZF3TMGOd1JR0kwcMhQGJxFBuTJ-QIYcTLe98dzNOTwf4NHFTplRt6hTodp8K2mwTwsYXi5JM9B6f6BllOJjUdxNFLgQZRmcfzp-BNjYJjeks0ZCl11TEEugw5-Jx7YfLFJs/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.26.25+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="308" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuIEmCtlQpZF3TMGOd1JR0kwcMhQGJxFBuTJ-QIYcTLe98dzNOTwf4NHFTplRt6hTodp8K2mwTwsYXi5JM9B6f6BllOJjUdxNFLgQZRmcfzp-BNjYJjeks0ZCl11TEEugw5-Jx7YfLFJs/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.26.25+PM.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I said that to my ex-husband at the end of our marriage: "I just always thought I'd get a turn," meaning after years of focusing on his wants and needs and vulnerabilities, there would be reciprocity. He said in response, "Weren't you ever going to learn to say no?" Another one-two-punch, but what a valuable one. He was only saying that it was up to me to have boundaries, to state my case, stake my claim. He was so very right.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6V7dVwbt8lb_FupcC0irnyAG63OgP40yO-ni2S6kfvn_gbY1MpIyU__majwCSVXCeHKfyYp93jvdq_H7M1drGf5ken_D0BspY3meRfLQmHBc7O-p8GepL8BzL5tCmjCcH6ZxJOtyNNxs/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.18.27+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6V7dVwbt8lb_FupcC0irnyAG63OgP40yO-ni2S6kfvn_gbY1MpIyU__majwCSVXCeHKfyYp93jvdq_H7M1drGf5ken_D0BspY3meRfLQmHBc7O-p8GepL8BzL5tCmjCcH6ZxJOtyNNxs/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-08-23+at+3.18.27+PM.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It seems natural to want all lessons and all desired change to spring from compassion and love and joy and peace, but for whatever reason, momentum seems to spring from tension instead. Whether it's with myself, far-reaching, or touching a few special hearts, the tension, if observed, acknowledged, and accepted, is a gift that I end up being very grateful for. Buddha notes that the source of pain is craving - we want things to be different than they are, and it sets us up for so much angst. It seems there are 3 options:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Change it, remove myself from it, or accept it with total surrender. </span></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-15644675831338137952016-07-11T06:41:00.004-07:002016-07-11T06:41:55.014-07:00Thanks for Nothing (that turned out to be something)<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You've seen those beautiful framed pictures with meaningful affirmations, meant to inspire? We hang them on office walls, we put them in employee break rooms; some are of rowers with a "teamwork" caption, or "perseverance" with a lone runner on a hill. I was reminded of those posters when I saw an e-card circulating currently that reads, <i>Thank you, Universe, for not giving me everything I thought I wanted.</i> How true is that!? I know that I am very often so grateful for what were previously perceived as disappointments.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiikCgWeu4LsMig3na2PWUujGAMeedNsnzLdKVoxRe1BQOnNl5buuWqMF_UN6KJIdFS2mBWCT5QMt4QskiVIdXwhrUgzb3Oyb_bFWcbjcKu1KaAeEx2OTC1Q7cYycTs7l_YORuAdurD9rM/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-07-09+at+8.29.22+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiikCgWeu4LsMig3na2PWUujGAMeedNsnzLdKVoxRe1BQOnNl5buuWqMF_UN6KJIdFS2mBWCT5QMt4QskiVIdXwhrUgzb3Oyb_bFWcbjcKu1KaAeEx2OTC1Q7cYycTs7l_YORuAdurD9rM/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-07-09+at+8.29.22+PM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">O</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">ne of the most significant lessons etched on my soul is the growth, awareness, and appreciation I experience when things don't turn out as I'd hoped or planned. It is almost always a time of significant learning, even if I don't know it at the time. A few years ago, I began to put those moments in my gratitude jar, and I often do so before I know the outcome. It reinforces the idea that what may seem negative in my current view of it probably has something meaningful to offer. Of course, I put the things that already feel like gratitude-inducing events in there, too. I open my gratitude jar every New Year's Eve, and read the past year's moments, when I took a pause and jotted down an event, a feeling, a fleeting thought that surfaced as something I might want to reflect on again. <span style="font-family: inherit;">I don't write lengthy notes - they're more like brief memory-joggers. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>J</i></span><i>ohn and I broke up. Mother's Day Angel's game. My company was acquired. Prototype 3-D printed, patent pending! Started Dorothy's life story project. Trip to Prescott with Patricia. My biopsy was basal cell skin cancer. Awesome Buck Gully run, feeling healthy. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I</span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> am usually able to see the gift in the circumstance that showed up, versus the circumstance that I wished for: the unanticipated outcome that was better than what I'd had my heart set on in the first place. </span>Occasionally<span style="font-family: inherit;"> I am aware of this in the present moment, though sometimes it takes stillness to notice. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As life moves on, what I see is a shift from my outward search for happiness (money, men, stuff) to my awareness that I am already surrounded by a familiar essence that is enough: it's more than enough. It feels like joy. I never knew that I knew joy. In my younger years, I was often seeking, yet I am aware that what I sought was already accessible to me. (Feels like Dorothy just clicked her ruby slippers, doesn't it?) It's like coming home. Being known. Being understood. Being loved. That's my mantra: I say it to myself (I am home, I am known, I am understood, I am loved). And I hear it said to me from the Source of all life: You are home. You are known. You are understood. You are loved. And the rest of what I was worried about, anxious for, regretful over...falls away from significance. This leaves room for: meaningful interactions, relationships of value, activities with purpose, blatant fun, passionate discourse, meaningful exploration of myself and my world, healthy habit-building, attempts at unwavering kindness, and openness to the unanticipated.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This acceptance and letting go is not giving up. To paraphrase Ekhart Tolle, it merely makes me aware of using my mind when I need it, and not letting my mind use me to preoccupy my life with things I cannot control: the past and the future. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The last nugget that sustains me in times of disappointment is the awareness that "it" is temporary. While the circumstance may be unchangeable, my <i>response</i> to it does not have to remain my initial <i>reaction</i> to it: and the goal is to shorten the gap from reaction to response. I'm told that the gap is called "the pause." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'll close with a loving kindness meditation that I say often for you and for me: May you be safe. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.</span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-2367870333093648462016-05-15T08:46:00.000-07:002016-05-15T20:44:32.580-07:00It's All About Relationships -- With a Twist!<!--[if !mso]>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixugCi3mzW_SS0fOVtYQ-hAeN1tp6NRrwuoM-BpZqM56H7MKCSsEdUrCtQ63k9CnssNLp268JRGMVVyNxLStwNNzs7x3t_048lNbru1c1msXlXp88AtcdZBqjsLPNbSIDZJ2gbvvOim-Q/s1600/broadbrush.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixugCi3mzW_SS0fOVtYQ-hAeN1tp6NRrwuoM-BpZqM56H7MKCSsEdUrCtQ63k9CnssNLp268JRGMVVyNxLStwNNzs7x3t_048lNbru1c1msXlXp88AtcdZBqjsLPNbSIDZJ2gbvvOim-Q/s400/broadbrush.jpg" /></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">In my years of being
in relationships at work, socially, and at home, I have come upon an
observation that seems to stay consistent over time.</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> </span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Gender perspective fascinates me, and I’ll be
curious to read if you experience anything similar. Warning: sexism is alive
and well in these viewpoints; I painted with a very broad brush.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">In the world of work,
I and other women often say, “The work will speak for itself.” Our hope is that if we work hard, exceed expectations,
and show initiative that reward and recognition will follow. We don’t want it to be about whom we know,
because that is fraught with landmines, from sexual harassment, to gossip and
misunderstandings, to favoritism. We don’t want to get ahead for any of those
reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Outside of work – we
focus a lot (a LOT) on relationships.
Relationships fuel the majority of our conversational topics, our
reading, our movie choices, and the books we read. Relationships make our world go round. Slightly exaggerated, our life outside of
work can be summed up in this graph:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTHtKM_OSJiU07L6JZf6jV5qvErbij37-YWVxdSyKlJDubsMbT0ne3nEhEwwT7Ahz2TRmg8c8_N8FslEWhyphenhyphenO7lChPTBgEGyJONljUlVHRop9qYLUd7CBp1nOulgZK_K9gki9WR9EpHVaI/s1600/graph.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTHtKM_OSJiU07L6JZf6jV5qvErbij37-YWVxdSyKlJDubsMbT0ne3nEhEwwT7Ahz2TRmg8c8_N8FslEWhyphenhyphenO7lChPTBgEGyJONljUlVHRop9qYLUd7CBp1nOulgZK_K9gki9WR9EpHVaI/s320/graph.png" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">And when we want to
talk to our significant others about “The Relationship” he can be caught with some
version of eye rolling or we’ll hear a mumbled “Please, no not the <i>talk!</i>” escape from his lips before he
can pull it back. There is not much “letting
the work speak for itself” on the home front.
The relationship’s ups, downs, foibles and missteps will be discussed,
debated, examined and scrutinized, if we have our way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLuVzwEOArmT1xPUAq2SxRmAXl3s2IBSWjh5jS1o0sOP7KiBHAgA2W9-bQhUGXTHiH6gvkiPENqMj5rwt5bzibOIeAG0hjdj8-BVeVhrQTfsNUTZY3LDA37nsfoLaMptIdRiH9CtN18fE/s1600/couple-arguing-at-kitchen-table.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLuVzwEOArmT1xPUAq2SxRmAXl3s2IBSWjh5jS1o0sOP7KiBHAgA2W9-bQhUGXTHiH6gvkiPENqMj5rwt5bzibOIeAG0hjdj8-BVeVhrQTfsNUTZY3LDA37nsfoLaMptIdRiH9CtN18fE/s320/couple-arguing-at-kitchen-table.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">However, at work, do
you find, as I have, that guys tend to take the opposite view from us: at work, they focus on THE RELATIONSHIP! (And we thought it was called <i>politics)</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Guys don’t leave their
careers to the off chance that someone will notice their hard work and reward
them. They initiate. They make sure to have time outside of office
hours to connect in a way that doesn’t always happen in the task-oriented
office environment (the business lunch, for example, our couple’s equivalent of
date night). Men and their bosses often share
hobbies together: skiing, golf, mountain-biking</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">they find the
common connection and they schedule time to do it. They SCHEDULE TIME TO DO IT. (This is women’s “you never plan anything with me” talk, #147). The other observation regarding the focus on
relationships at home vs. work is that it can’t sustain evolution and time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKXfhTeqI227dI_6HIew4c2jKRuGFS4uUFfUewBS9omisIq2iDIHptKsj4IkQtMM3jIXKBR3K5GBIyvJhYEcmdbxG7NRbNoDta8FpUOjjjtAL5IEPvlmX97s98xK4J8I7tUM4N2eut_iM/s1600/men+at+lunch.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKXfhTeqI227dI_6HIew4c2jKRuGFS4uUFfUewBS9omisIq2iDIHptKsj4IkQtMM3jIXKBR3K5GBIyvJhYEcmdbxG7NRbNoDta8FpUOjjjtAL5IEPvlmX97s98xK4J8I7tUM4N2eut_iM/s320/men+at+lunch.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">It’s obvious that the
landscape is changing and has to change as the numbers of women in leadership
roles grow. As I said earlier, we have adopted this no-nonsense approach to
business relationships because we don’t want our intentions to be
misunderstood. We therefore become
idealists who hope that we can keep it simple: work hard and our work will
speak for itself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">The move to the middle
happens when both sides shift from their extreme. Maybe women can bring a
little more of our focus on relationships into the business world. It would serve us well, because it IS all
about relationships. We can take time to relate to our co-workers of <i>either</i> gender and engage fully in the
moment. We pride ourselves in being
great at multi-tasking, but thinking about the next thing while doing the
current thing only means we aren’t really present. People can sense that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">And for the guys
reading this who are really good at business dinners and networking breakfasts
and coffee meet-and-greets would probably do well to give equal effort to the
important relationships that don’t happen over spreadsheets and email – the
important people in our private world who make life really worth living.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-55485287260500726072016-05-07T07:50:00.004-07:002016-05-07T09:16:22.759-07:00You Talking to Me?<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPXOQVaXoy0fR2SFWTYWQQMCicQjMUncq0KA5TSLoUYdP6o8L64lgCqjhOdEu8lVI_XKlQqaz4PKkSgB3G-Wy_80rE_sFDhOrkf6BF9zcJ0Ra0NTQBccn-aEWVoGXmthDjkVwbxk-cpPo/s1600/de+niro.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPXOQVaXoy0fR2SFWTYWQQMCicQjMUncq0KA5TSLoUYdP6o8L64lgCqjhOdEu8lVI_XKlQqaz4PKkSgB3G-Wy_80rE_sFDhOrkf6BF9zcJ0Ra0NTQBccn-aEWVoGXmthDjkVwbxk-cpPo/s400/de+niro.png"></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Enjoy this vision of a
very young Robert De Niro from the movie Taxi Driver, practicing the line that
is also the heading of this post.</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> </span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Now
let it go, because he’s not what I’m talking about here.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">What I </span><i style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';">am</i><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> talking about is the importance of
knowing ourselves.</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> </span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">“You talking to me?”
Yes, maybe I am.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Too many of us strike
out into the adult world without enough sense of who we are, and what we
want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Things like what we value, what we
need, what we have to offer aren’t just quizzes in a Cosmo magazine: they’re
the underpinnings of building a life you intended to have.</span><span style="font-family: bangla mn;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8uXu7zVGTIwvf8Z5YKdhJIhHIG_GFOXr3fvdHsU-Ofm11D27ZmvmZ9Rsg7Uzref9mqmKtdAOkGso_ONviL4ZVEu64l9OzxvdLPzYXEs4kxDHHY29U-3-dKwjkaKmC1Jr_NLkC3rfkJR0/s1600/Cosmo.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8uXu7zVGTIwvf8Z5YKdhJIhHIG_GFOXr3fvdHsU-Ofm11D27ZmvmZ9Rsg7Uzref9mqmKtdAOkGso_ONviL4ZVEu64l9OzxvdLPzYXEs4kxDHHY29U-3-dKwjkaKmC1Jr_NLkC3rfkJR0/s320/Cosmo.png" width="243"></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">But many of us walk
out of the door and just turn automatically in some direction – without much of
a destination in mind. Yogi Berra famously said, “Yo</span><span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn";">u’ve
got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might
not get there.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn"; mso-bidi-font-family: Aleo-Regular;"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn";">A lot of us take a long time to figure this out. Yes,
I’ve got my hand raised. If our late arrival to this understanding only
affected ourselves, that wouldn’t be so bad.</span><span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn";">
</span><span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn";">But we drag a lot of people with us when we experiment and explore
during our relationships. Some of this is meant to be pre-work.</span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiVG2wQx1XNZJosiACocQGVgo6NI2gd3Ft-UHQeuMNPHCqzBtCukIcpeEzc0jrh8GruEcDY9J9jwjdgrtPJNtLcCY4_tKg-5C_GnIcGPL75_FZaK0shex_74Z1lAz9FEnGPotmdakNBCE/s1600/guilty_raised_hand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiVG2wQx1XNZJosiACocQGVgo6NI2gd3Ft-UHQeuMNPHCqzBtCukIcpeEzc0jrh8GruEcDY9J9jwjdgrtPJNtLcCY4_tKg-5C_GnIcGPL75_FZaK0shex_74Z1lAz9FEnGPotmdakNBCE/s320/guilty_raised_hand.jpg" width="320"></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn";"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn";">Until and unless you have at least some
of the core aspects of personality, preferences, and pet-peeves discovered in yourself,
how can you know what you are offering to another?</span><span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn";"> </span><span style="color: #343434; font-family: "bangla mn";">And how can you possibly know what you want
from a friendship or partnership with another, if you are just winging it?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Hm_QTtI2TdlLD5AqmVXf1ix4dlv-9hyphenhyphenSIWGaXgpj3OZQTzloMuZZ7_1dSJKRtq-YMZPURpP5veVfOChp4dARXtXs_Jianzuvoa8usfzLUUAWXoYMau48wkwMOhKQyfM0EBMi4Hph8Xo/s1600/Winging.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Hm_QTtI2TdlLD5AqmVXf1ix4dlv-9hyphenhyphenSIWGaXgpj3OZQTzloMuZZ7_1dSJKRtq-YMZPURpP5veVfOChp4dARXtXs_Jianzuvoa8usfzLUUAWXoYMau48wkwMOhKQyfM0EBMi4Hph8Xo/s320/Winging.png" width="320"></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">What do you value? What are your strengths?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you want to get better at?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where do you most easily find your connection to the Being that is your God? How important is physical appearance to you (your own, and another’s)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What, if anything, would you be willing to change about yourself if someone wanted you to? How would you feel if someone wanted you to change to be with him or her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you want to validate your upbringing by raising your kids the way you were raised? (“It was good enough for me</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">”). </span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Or do you want to do a 180</span><b><span style="font-family: "lucida grande";">° </span></b><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">from how you were raised? </span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Is saving money important to you?</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What have you always wanted to do? Where have you a</span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">lways wanted to go? How much togetherness do you require –
how much solitude? Do you yet know that what bugs you about someone else is
probably at its core what troubles you about <i>you</i>?</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1ncRHagycH716Bxyh1MEC4NtYAEvu7MVfkx_-sVTMxlyTrz7cw70IrNk7_hRupnWSL2xQTzFmk-WeelDzZH_JXq2STXqvgbE1ZzExAw_20pvehiawT0RxXznzmzWgrdJSeD-Z8DDsQFY/s1600/Mirror.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1ncRHagycH716Bxyh1MEC4NtYAEvu7MVfkx_-sVTMxlyTrz7cw70IrNk7_hRupnWSL2xQTzFmk-WeelDzZH_JXq2STXqvgbE1ZzExAw_20pvehiawT0RxXznzmzWgrdJSeD-Z8DDsQFY/s320/Mirror.jpg" width="320"></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">This is a lifetime’s
work, s</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">pending some part of every day very aware, in quiet reflection, acceptance and presence. The exploring,
growing, experimenting and risk-taking, the making mistakes and engaging
compassionately with yourself is never really done.</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> </span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Don’t make the mistake of waiting until you
have it all figured out (you never will) before you let yourself open your
heart, your soul and your life to another human being.</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> </span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">You’ll miss half the fun!</span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";"> </span><span style="font-family: "bangla mn";">Have a good grasp, though, of the essentials: <u>your</u> essentials.</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-24620789749409229222016-05-06T18:49:00.000-07:002016-05-06T18:49:28.244-07:00In Search of Change<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; text-indent: 0.5in;">I</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">’ve
had many phases of growing up female. There are so many voices shouting at us,
telling us, for example, that we shouldn’t idolize a Barbie figure, and then
not really changing the social context that made us </span><i style="text-indent: 0.5in;">want</i><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> that tiny waist, those big boobs, and the legs that never
end.</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">You females who were born after my
generation was supposedly have it easier, but my view is, you have it tougher.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">Yes,
you have more options; there has been progress with equal pay, Title Nine,
Family Medical Leave, and other legislation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But you have been raised by a generation that has hovered over your
every decision. We have tracked you down with cell phone features that let us
know your every move.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have made you
report in at every change of plan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
have taught you that you cannot rely on yourself: that you need us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are intrinsically connected to your lives,
and in many cases, long after we should have urged you out of the nest and
watched you soar higher than we ever could have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">But
we didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We hovered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We opined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We suggested. We controlled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC5r7k-7Fzwr-BfHqtsIFxNCr4SGF4mmyiL_fZ0EiH-kmfmfvtyEDB8j6Dc3hlxQ8baecI9YIY7hpGCh4v1JYvsFqduKet5OUMAUZNUBKj3gvKj-RO6FCnIDDLurQ2OyKSaJqybYh6mUA/s1600/helicopter+mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgC5r7k-7Fzwr-BfHqtsIFxNCr4SGF4mmyiL_fZ0EiH-kmfmfvtyEDB8j6Dc3hlxQ8baecI9YIY7hpGCh4v1JYvsFqduKet5OUMAUZNUBKj3gvKj-RO6FCnIDDLurQ2OyKSaJqybYh6mUA/s1600/helicopter+mom.jpg" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">Now
that you are an adult, what’s a girl to do?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">You
want control back, but it scares you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You want to experiment, to take a risk, but you don’t really know what
that feels like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could you, when we
should have been letting you take risks when you were young and we were there
to be your guide, but instead we tried to protect you from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everything</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got away with
so much when we were young!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We raised
you as if our childhood had been mere reconnaissance for raising you. You want
to stop worrying about disappointing others – but you’re too worried that
others really do know what’s best.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You’re reading a stranger’s blog, after all, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">I’ll
offer four changes that are still working for me:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>first, you just start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You start with noticing. Are you doing
something because you want to, because you’re drawn to it, and you feel
lightness and joy involved?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or are you
doing something because you fear <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not </i>doing
it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">Next,
you start connecting with others who are on a similar journey – hopefully some
who are a little farther along on their excursion than you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s nothing like a milepost marker to
inspire your endurance and keep you feeling that what you’ve taken on is
doable.</span></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFNN59zje_wFvpGp3Vl_sJOw79khcgPC2PeIIPnkKnsA7q1NXS8MR0hKrC9pxf9QgPthRYsQdYe9I_RCvZBTK0wKyxAisjBG1H1JSAgizxKgbpdPG3_SCt5Kn0t6e_jTwIIUaysgVohzw/s1600/milepost.jpg" imageanchor="1"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img alt="" border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFNN59zje_wFvpGp3Vl_sJOw79khcgPC2PeIIPnkKnsA7q1NXS8MR0hKrC9pxf9QgPthRYsQdYe9I_RCvZBTK0wKyxAisjBG1H1JSAgizxKgbpdPG3_SCt5Kn0t6e_jTwIIUaysgVohzw/s400/milepost.jpg" title="" width="400" /></span></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";"><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">Third,
write it down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever it is you want,
there is power in committing that intention to paper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether it is a material goal, to buy a house
or a brand new car, a vision of a healthy relationship with another, a physical
challenge, or a career aspiration, write it down. I discourage putting an age
association with any of those, however.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They are arbitrary, and I’ve seen more bouts of the blues because
someone didn’t hit their goal of this or that by age thirty, or whatever age
was the dream.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does it really matter if
you’re thirty or thirty-three when you run your first marathon, write your first
published piece, or have your first baby?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No, it really doesn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">Fourth
is, well, I’ve saved the best for last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Learn to meditate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you once
knew but drifted from the practice, resume it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even a commitment of two minutes a few times a week will make a
difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve newly returned to the
practice, and am quite a rookie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
experimenting with meditating in silence, to music, and with a guide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each has brought me a special peace and
awareness of connection with</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">everything
and nothing. Don’t let that 70’s vibe scare you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i>
something to this.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmCE8e7D6K9ar2iBrOcGMyP1fW1pQM5BY_aVsXyVjiOH7TpgIh1jgkWQgXc5jpxHV_WCxNgs4uow2JUJjgybm6gSwG559uwsoupKNLRm-xOCOKSY6juJbzw0rYMmK37V6ZeWAvovoCInk/s1600/meditation.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmCE8e7D6K9ar2iBrOcGMyP1fW1pQM5BY_aVsXyVjiOH7TpgIh1jgkWQgXc5jpxHV_WCxNgs4uow2JUJjgybm6gSwG559uwsoupKNLRm-xOCOKSY6juJbzw0rYMmK37V6ZeWAvovoCInk/s400/meditation.jpg" width="400" /></a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Arial Hebrew Scholar";">My
daughter once shared a lesson she learned from someone else with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you are at a crossroads, feeling indecisive,
take a few steps in either direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
really doesn’t much matter which.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
usually won’t take long for you to realize whether you took the path that will
serve you best, or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-16579215778021633312016-05-02T20:54:00.001-07:002016-05-13T12:56:16.335-07:00What a Girl Wants<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 6.0pt;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD4lFTmZwO1crkVZy6w1EVRztvJIEg6d5S1TfaKKQERd65QcSGoaKqsVcmhXL4JXT5NrwRMNCPBhqGjb1bvbzCFsh5HiFq2hzDxzVJv-JvnNVcdp7xTdPi3dNGZWLAa4Zdqe22BjaocFI/s1600/1-barbie-now-comes-in-different-body-shapes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD4lFTmZwO1crkVZy6w1EVRztvJIEg6d5S1TfaKKQERd65QcSGoaKqsVcmhXL4JXT5NrwRMNCPBhqGjb1bvbzCFsh5HiFq2hzDxzVJv-JvnNVcdp7xTdPi3dNGZWLAa4Zdqe22BjaocFI/s320/1-barbie-now-comes-in-different-body-shapes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">I mentioned the
Barbie-body pressure in my prior blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the interest of full disclosure, I've helped mother nature make a change I consider to have been an improvement. </span>I suppose what I consider key in the process of deciding was being able to live with or without the change, and being happy either way. The rest
of my physique has been earned the hard way, through fitness and
nutrition. I started my workouts with simple curiosity - <i>could I change things I'd accepted as just my physical fate?</i> Each month that I saw positive results made me realize that I had placed limitations on myself that I could actually move past. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPK8J1AVvQ75On-wo67Bv-aPcKXEeyS6wRdfSb0RJUfC57-5k2h-nEUgTWdC4c3uEmvEU64d9ns8IsZsuJV1VoMaJLSCN-_l2r4yZW5EmSTYAOhZnpa4GFkChiHJ7N1DkMNKvfrgGxtzg/s1600/All+Shapes+copy.png" imageanchor="1" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPK8J1AVvQ75On-wo67Bv-aPcKXEeyS6wRdfSb0RJUfC57-5k2h-nEUgTWdC4c3uEmvEU64d9ns8IsZsuJV1VoMaJLSCN-_l2r4yZW5EmSTYAOhZnpa4GFkChiHJ7N1DkMNKvfrgGxtzg/s320/All+Shapes+copy.png" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So where is all this
taking our conversation?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has to do
with the current public dialogue about body shaming, and outcries for being
happy with our body. I’m all for acceptance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We come in all shapes and sizes, and media and advertising would do well
to stop pushing one type to us as the ideal: and they (media) <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i> changing. Did you ever think you’d
see the day you would find unpadded bras in Victoria Secret?! Yep, now they not
only have several styles, they’re embracing the concept of multiple body-types
in their advertising. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">I understand the
recent point being made about not calling models plus-sized if they are not
skinny – they are models: drop the “plus-sized”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not much different than calling a guy who
is a nurse a male nurse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Isn’t he simply
a nurse?</span><span style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';"> </span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw4PvQRv2cFRuypEMuebzwLixvmrkkjijL2co2PRvzd37k-Ynn39tkPzf5kfeyxN6LQdTprrGmQojmgI_uKLWjOx1is4v_3oDt4QzSEwF6ylw9P8TiaAnT8anVYmKVYd4OtSAr0YGXzis/s1600/MaleNurse.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="229" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw4PvQRv2cFRuypEMuebzwLixvmrkkjijL2co2PRvzd37k-Ynn39tkPzf5kfeyxN6LQdTprrGmQojmgI_uKLWjOx1is4v_3oDt4QzSEwF6ylw9P8TiaAnT8anVYmKVYd4OtSAr0YGXzis/s320/MaleNurse.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">When it comes to
accepting our bodies, or dedication to improving them: where does
self-improvement end, and where does obsession begin?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think of the spectrum of all things this
could pertain to: make-up, exercise, nutrition, supplements, dying our hair</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">…</span><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At the other end of
the spectrum, where does healthy acceptance end, and neglect begin?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This spectrum that at one end says watching
calories is okay, but beware of its obsessive extreme, eating disorders, is
murky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can consider that being of a
medium weight is merely not subscribing to the Barbie-body pressure. We can
also talk about overweight and obesity as problems of health, and not of
appearance. On face value, that isn’t being critical or body-shaming, but it
does depend on the context of the discussion.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioYWQ5lkQ2CGs3dZLYRK1gbTJ5e9448RpQtmuT9kZrC1eGFjhiBg86D5EL_MNVU-k6UGHzuPA4HdjysWWA0m0m8AjemZ9Ddynipm-hi6hKctJf5sAGdOTCfGnR_elpvRr-ry2z5xel7o4/s1600/Body+Shaming.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioYWQ5lkQ2CGs3dZLYRK1gbTJ5e9448RpQtmuT9kZrC1eGFjhiBg86D5EL_MNVU-k6UGHzuPA4HdjysWWA0m0m8AjemZ9Ddynipm-hi6hKctJf5sAGdOTCfGnR_elpvRr-ry2z5xel7o4/s320/Body+Shaming.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For many in southern
California, especially, it’s hard to settle for an aspiration of good health
and graceful aging when it has become so acceptable to get injectables and BOGO
plastic surgery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve known a few people
who, once they start, can’t stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Natural” becomes very unacceptable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’ve heard this story more than once:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“I went into the plastic surgeon to get a consult for a [insert any
procedure here] and he asked “But what about [insert additional procedure
here]?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words – it didn’t
matter that she wanted to take care of something that probably bugged her for a
while, he pointed out where she wasn’t physically perfect (whose standard?!)
and it became her new must-have.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkH_Y89n-V_QTryx98oC1bW7-ojXgvFIsSLROQ5GooJ-Cg2BXsMuhoy5NFqMdc8k1wmIjCaZtx5NN48Fv53w3QGXcJw-i2gRc9HiTjR38c1pU8R3RPHWJXWR0cV1v6BRQ-N10Bn2G3NXs/s1600/PlasticSurgery.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkH_Y89n-V_QTryx98oC1bW7-ojXgvFIsSLROQ5GooJ-Cg2BXsMuhoy5NFqMdc8k1wmIjCaZtx5NN48Fv53w3QGXcJw-i2gRc9HiTjR38c1pU8R3RPHWJXWR0cV1v6BRQ-N10Bn2G3NXs/s400/PlasticSurgery.png" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';">So be careful.</span><span style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';">The best advice I can give is don’t expect
whatever you do to make your life better.</span><span style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';">You might feel in better proportion – but if you had pre-surgery anxiety
about the future or regret from the past, they will be waiting for you when you
come out of surgery.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';"></span><span style="font-family: 'Bangla MN';">#body-shaming
#implants #plastic surgery #acceptance</span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4477560968556796044.post-19833715459826987092016-04-28T20:01:00.001-07:002016-04-28T20:01:37.031-07:00A Two-way Street<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">This
idea of sharing between generations in this Mileposts blog goes both ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve learned a lot from my son and daughter, their
friends, and my younger co-workers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
example, I would not have realized what mom-jeans were without the fashion
advice of my then-teenage daughter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioqyAruagBNb4Huyu8HNoD2RNjiuN8ZEoIhzHnhT-cS-JAK_o9X_72w9UNZgaVfTcp96JjOUxt5PBYRlq97Z-0iUq2nzy_7HB1BlHddcqRzC1v6KcdrC81Wf8SfqWuVE8CggOf6AyTJE8/s1600/Mom+jeans.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioqyAruagBNb4Huyu8HNoD2RNjiuN8ZEoIhzHnhT-cS-JAK_o9X_72w9UNZgaVfTcp96JjOUxt5PBYRlq97Z-0iUq2nzy_7HB1BlHddcqRzC1v6KcdrC81Wf8SfqWuVE8CggOf6AyTJE8/s320/Mom+jeans.png" width="167" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">She
could not wait to take me shopping, and yes, she picked out things I never,
ever would have selected for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
that was kind of the point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a
period in my life when I thought comfort and fashion were simply incompatible,
and I chose comfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, I never went
all out Birkenstocks (and no judgment here if you do), but I was a stone’s
throw from being mistaken for a refugee from a time machine that was
permanently set to the 70s. Hopefully, I exaggerate, but probably not. I’ll let
you judge for yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is my
sister and I in matching mullet hair-dos in the mid-1980s.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m pretty sure I’m sporting mom-jeans, but
fortunately, I’m sitting down and it’s hard to tell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwL3biwJYMB7tYoKMUEioMVuVybXVZZlZZSUjPZgkuVuvzYFTcukwDhVv35j2vyzxzRUe7Jwg27RZBLxjNqXJq2FDuk-LSnQAzA8X8KqJHg8VipLFGFwrP7becv9vEpLslwXggJSfEhHE/s1600/Mulllets+and+mom+jeans.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwL3biwJYMB7tYoKMUEioMVuVybXVZZlZZSUjPZgkuVuvzYFTcukwDhVv35j2vyzxzRUe7Jwg27RZBLxjNqXJq2FDuk-LSnQAzA8X8KqJHg8VipLFGFwrP7becv9vEpLslwXggJSfEhHE/s320/Mulllets+and+mom+jeans.png" width="316" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN"; mso-no-proof: yes;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="Picture_x0020_2" o:spid="_x0000_i1026"
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">It
can be humbling to take advice or to learn from those who are younger, or
perhaps newer to something than we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes, though, those fresh eyes see things we miss. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">When
I first heard about Meetups, I thought the idea was absurd.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Show up to do something with a bunch of
strangers?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Possibly show up by
myself?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But with encouragement, I gave
it a go. The first one was not horrible, but it I didn’t return or make any
future friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, I broke the ice
for myself, and got a little more discerning about selecting groups. And today
some of my best friends are people I met through Meetup.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We even started one at work, for social
events outside of work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggDU1Hg1SfjjDVnmkaBvkNFEM1RjbCnICt_T4TnHo4rkZa7qaCOy8v22hUdK1OGrB_hRCGJctqTVlTFyaKOv9ChDxVGZrNODH5fNmwI2P3gxcPjaYvc4i6NQ0jC4IyukdQPjveIHSA2lY/s1600/Meetup.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggDU1Hg1SfjjDVnmkaBvkNFEM1RjbCnICt_T4TnHo4rkZa7qaCOy8v22hUdK1OGrB_hRCGJctqTVlTFyaKOv9ChDxVGZrNODH5fNmwI2P3gxcPjaYvc4i6NQ0jC4IyukdQPjveIHSA2lY/s320/Meetup.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN"; mso-no-proof: yes;"><!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shape id="Picture_x0020_4" o:spid="_x0000_i1025"
type="#_x0000_t75" alt="Description: k:Users:Home:Desktop:Screen Shot 2016-04-24 at 8.08.23 PM.png"
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o:title="Screen Shot 2016-04-24 at 8.08.23 PM.png"/>
</v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--></span><span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">My
friends and I have probably made the most strides in our workouts and nutrition
advances from our adult kids, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Understanding that whole “eat less, move more” or “abs are made in the
kitchen more so than in the gym” was the beginning of truly life-changing
habits for how and what I eat, as well as how I approach fitness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">I
think it helps any relationship to have give and receive like I’ve
described.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one has all the answers,
and most of us appreciate when someone wants to tap into something we seem to
have a handle on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">All
this sharing is great, but I’ll offer a word of caution if you’re a single
mother wanting to talk to your daughter about dating. There is still a bit of
an “ewww” factor from your daughter’s perspective if you cross a certain
line.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll figure it out, but you
might want to dip your toe in before forging ahead with dating fun-facts or questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhozUjaN709N-jyHDRHICJPfwIjqQ5U1s_PpohDnFzq_dPHEQLknYt_KJgxdKN-X6yFye4VVwUndnyGvaKuLjMu145cZ2CNsyKrgpimIZVDoWLU-8JZxNQUax1Xgf3C-RG_zEOjyfZTtg/s1600/mom-daughter.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOQs6r-uW4av8MoV4RH8RNo7NZIrhL6BalzLziRHG-8oszt8wmrjyGiTMd-5wlIGFSfO_cIZDdToj4vcaeTo_fa33yFDPnFcJLDw8EDL8b0lEqoDmnIJY4_2h6VQGc-DamjHyOfxm875A/s1600/daughter-mom.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOQs6r-uW4av8MoV4RH8RNo7NZIrhL6BalzLziRHG-8oszt8wmrjyGiTMd-5wlIGFSfO_cIZDdToj4vcaeTo_fa33yFDPnFcJLDw8EDL8b0lEqoDmnIJY4_2h6VQGc-DamjHyOfxm875A/s400/daughter-mom.png" /></a><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhozUjaN709N-jyHDRHICJPfwIjqQ5U1s_PpohDnFzq_dPHEQLknYt_KJgxdKN-X6yFye4VVwUndnyGvaKuLjMu145cZ2CNsyKrgpimIZVDoWLU-8JZxNQUax1Xgf3C-RG_zEOjyfZTtg/s400/mom-daughter.jpeg" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Bangla MN";">The same applies to mothers and daughters
doing things together. Most relationships take a bit of negotiating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How much belongingness and how much aloneness
do we each want?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s nothing wrong
with anyone who prefers either circumstance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’d avoid words like smothering when the other one wants more together
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’d avoid labeling someone
antisocial or a loner if they require more solitude than you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our past creates a lot of patterns and habits
that make us who we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We react
automatically, sometimes, to familiar behaviors that used to mean something,
and may not mean the same thing in this time and place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a good idea to check in when you’re
feeling overwhelmed by togetherness or abandoned by alone time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It may not be what you think. It usually is a
case of “it’s not you, it’s me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Really,
though.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12934265904280540759noreply@blogger.com1